Yesterday’s episode of “The View” brought up a whole host of emotions I have not felt for awhile. The episode was about infertility, something I struggled with personally. (hello family! you learn something new every day, don’t you?)
Celebrities Guiliana and Bill Rancic came on to discuss their personal struggle with infertility and the treatments that have tried and are considering. The conversation took a personal turn for me when Guiliana mentioned that the doctors believe she is too skinny and if she would just gain 5 or 10 pounds she might be able to get pregnant. She balked at this idea–citing her job and the fact that she likes being thin. The View co-hosts all gave her an earful on how if she really wanted to get pregnant, she would put on those pounds. Over on Twitter, the conversation was the same. The general consensus was:
Like Whoopi said, no butts!! Screw the sizes and tv look, you want to have a baby then you need to do what you have to do (@wrestlingaddict)
This is much easier said than done.
I’ve been there. After two years of unsuccessful attempts to get pregnant, I started infertility treatments. After they did not work, the doctors told me my chances to get pregnant were slim, but I might consider gaining some weight. Just like Guiliana, my cycles were not consistent and there was a chance that an increase in body weight might help get me on track.
When you are consumed with a certain lifestyle and look, it isn’t just THAT easy to “gain a few pounds”. I was in phenomenal shape that I worked VERY hard to achieve. Although my heart wanted children, my MIND could not allow myself to “just gain some weight”. I feared every extra ounce that might end up on my body with absolutely NO guarantee that I would even get pregnant.
If you have never been in this situation, it is very easy to judge. After all, five pounds is just five pounds. But to someone who lives by the number on the scale, five pounds can mean days, weeks, and even months of self-loathing. So please don’t judge her. Guiliana was courageous enough to go on TV and tell women it’s okay to talk about infertility.
I chose not to gain those five pounds. I did not get pregnant and my husband and I got divorced.
So are you wondering how on earth I ended up with THREE children if I chose to not gain those 5 pounds and I got divorced?
Well, you’ll have to meet me in public (Fitbloggin anyone?) to get the rest of the story as I don’t feel comfortable putting it all out here on the internet!
I can tell you though, I still struggle everyday with my weight. I absolutely LOVE my children with all my heart but there is not a day that goes by that I don’t cringe at my new mommy-body in the mirror. Some habits/thoughts/feelings never go away. 
******
Did you watch this episode? Are you an official View Mom Ambassador? (twitter hashtag #theviewmoms). (I’m not but I think I should be. ) I also think that I should get the chance to interview Elisabeth for my “One Fit Mommy” series.
Elisabeth—are you listening?
Photo credit: InStyle and JJB
I looooooove Elizabeth.
I cant at all relate because I can’t loose the 10 -15 lbs I need to…..even running 3 times a week and watching my food. It took me a year and a half to loose the first 15 lbs after my 3rd baby. I think I would love it if someone told me to gain weight! Ha!!!!
Anyway, happy you got a family!
.-= Jennifer Allwood´s last blog ..One of my favorite furniture pieces in my home =-.
I’m glad you finally got your family! Good for you. Thanks for sharing your story with us.
I understand what you are saying. I was very thin before I had my first son. Now, two boys later, I’ve adapted to my new size, which isn’t big at all, but just not skinny like I was. I still struggle to lose my last 5 pounds.
.-= Cop Mama´s last blog ..My Uncle (Part Two) =-.
I guess I can understand when someone’s whole life and career revolves around looks, but it just comes off as selfish to others who have been trying for years, or to women you are fertile. To hear that she would walk across the ocean to have a child, but to take the last step to land (gain 5-10 pounds) that just be a place of rescue, is heart breaking. She wants a child THAT badly, yet won’t gain 5-10 pounds. If it doesn’t work, she has personal trainers that will have her dropping that weight in a month, if not less. She’s going to gain weight during pregnancy anyway, so eat a couple cookies now!
.-= Mandi´s last blog ..A Letter To My Pregnant Friends =-.
I can’t wait to meet you at Fitbloggin!! I have a feeling there will not be much sleep in baltimore!
.-= jen (@jeninRL)´s last blog .. =-.
Thank you for sharing this! I wish I was going to fitbloggin! It’s interesting for me to hear about the weight issue and infertility on the other side. Since I have PCOS, I’m going to have issues getting pregnant. It will be easier if I lose weight. I wish it were that easy. It’s so hard though, and there is so much judgement “just lose weight already”. I appreciate any awareness to infertility, makes it seem so much less lonely.
.-= Beth @fatbustermack´s last blog ..Pain in the neck =-.
I’m at the other side I have to lose to get IVF, no one will mess with their precious numbers on someone who is obese.
I dealt with this 5 years ago with my ex husband and I lost a bunch of weight but the drugs made me moody and unhappy and it was one thing in a series that led to our divorce.
Now I’m dealing again. I have lost 60 pounds but I need to lose 14 more to hit overweight and not obese, and given that at 37 I’m in the beginning stages of menopause with FSH numbers like a woman in her late 40s I feel like go ahead try it while I’m still obese but have some damn eggs left…
I do think it was great that she went on TV and shared I also think that as someone else said she can take it off pretty fast with the resources she has if she doesn’t get pregnant, it was also the one place there seemed to be tension between her and her husband around the issue and that is unfortunate.
I wish I was going to fitblogging but its my mother’s 60th birthday and it’s a command performance
Great blog. The View’s infertility show was excellent. The part that stood out for me was when Whoopi told Guiliana — bluntly but kindly — to gain weight. As an avid exerciser myself I know it’s the last thing you want to hear, but . . . well, it seemed so OBVIOUS.
Thanks for pointing out that that’s not always the case and for reiterating that Guiliana should be appluaded for her willingness to go public, not chastized.
Guiliana Rancic is helping many women, destigmatizing infertility and taking the mystery out of the hollywood-moms-have-twins-at-40+-easily myth.
Laurie Gordon
Executive Editor
http://www.FertilityAuthority.com
There is SO MUCH pressure on that woman to stay rail-thin! I’m guessing that the producers over at E! don’t even want her to be pregnant, because then she’ll look “Fat.”
I’ve said it before: I lived in L.A., worked in the entertainment industry. The pressure to be unhealthfully thin is INTENSE. You can’t even get an agent, let alone an audition or a job, unless you fit the super-skinny “ideal.” If you feel your livelihood depends on your weight (as it often does), that’s just more pressure not to gain even 5 pounds.
And that will mess with your head!
I was told my infertility specialists that I was too old to have a baby and my hormone levels indicated such (was it estrogen and fsh, I forget now). Turns out they were right, as I was not successful in having baby #2. What makes my skin crawl is to hear people say, “Oh she would have been able to have a second if she had just gained some weight.” That was simply not the problem and every person’s situation is unique.
.-= Melinda Neely´s last blog ..Southern Fried Chicken – Slimmed Down =-.
I would LOVE to be able to meet you in-real-life! Someday, lady!
.-= Trenches of Mommyhood´s last blog ..On Review Blogs =-.
None of it is easy. Gaining weight or losing it etc but the little ones make it all worth it.
I wish I was going to fitbloggin. Maybe next year.
.-= jenn´s last blog ..Soy Products & Breast Cancer =-.
I hated the episode. I can’t stand Eliabeth H. — her joke about needing to start eating Gluten again so she stops getting pregnant was completely insensitive on an episode dealing with infertility. The number of times the hosts asked, “Have you considered adoption?” as if it’s a quick, easy fix to this “problem” drove me insane. They talked over their guests, didn’t listen, and asked insensitive questions — it really was just a fluff piece about a very stressful and painful condition.
I’ve struggled with infertility for years and was very thin when we started the process. The few people I told about our struggles always made comments about my weight, “If you’d just gain a little weight then this problem will work itself out.” It’s basically like telling someone, “This is your fault.” Skinny girls have babies all the time (Nicole Richie, Angelina Jolie, Jessica Alba, both my sisters). I did gain the weight and it did not fix our infertility problems….which are still unexplained. But I sure felt guilty as hell about being thin for months — added stress and pressure during a horribly stressful time. I felt like the hosts attacked Guilliana and it was terrible. I hate the View and I think they’re all obnoxious.
I appreciate your sensitive and nuanced response to this touchy issue. A woman’s struggle with infertility is heart breaking whether you are told to gain weight, lose weight, or any other change – esp. when there is no guarantee that it will change anything. For myself though I wouldn’t want to get to the end of my life and think that I hadn’t tried everything within my power. I completely understand the pain with gaining even 5 or 10 pounds and yet pregnancy – no matter how you get there – will make you gain a lot more weight than that. I think rather than rail on Guiliana or any other pregnant woman, we should work on changing our ridiculous societal standard of beauty that expects women to maintain a prepubescent state even when they’re obviously mature.
.-= charlotte´s last blog ..P90X Experiment Results Are In! =-.
I don’t relate because I’ve always worked to lose not gain, but I know a few friends who could eat their own weight in pasta 3 times a day and not gain 5 pounds! It depends on the body as well. Some people are just thin. And as for someone who works to stay thin, when you do that for so long it becomes your mentality it’s hard to just change. It’s not any different then changing those bad eating habits to healthy ones to lose weight! So I wish people wouldn’t judge!
I am really happy to read your post, keep up the good work
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