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This is a guest post by Leslie Goldman, author of the blog The Weighting Game. She is also the author of “The Locker Room Diaries,” as well as a co-host of the Chicago TV show Fit Today. This post was originally seen over on The Huffington Post, where Leslie is a regular contributor. She also writes for many of my favorite magazines including Fitness, Health, and Women’s Health.
My girlfriend, R., was out with her little girl enjoying a nice lunch when a grandpa-aged man approached the two of them and announced, completely unsolicited and pointing at R’s daughter, “She needs to go on a DIET!”
Her daughter is five months old.
Um…what the *%@!?
And more recently, a woman approached the pair and exclaimed, “She is such a LARGE BABY! Is she in the 99th percentile or something?”
I really don’t understand what goes on in peoples’ minds. Why is it considered acceptable by so many to comment on total strangers’ weights? I myself have been subjected to this, starting from when I was younger and constantly greeted with comments from my parents’ friends of, “Oh, she’s so big!” (they likely were referring to my height, but still…blah!) and even in grad school, I remember being at a black-tie benefit and a doctor I worked with grabbed my waist and told me I needed to eat more. Lasanga was hanging out of my mouth at the time so I couldn’t retort with a witty comeback but I could see the look in my husband’s eyes - we both wanted to take a swing.
Babies are not fat. I do not need to be told what to eat. When interviewing ladies for my book, I remember one woman, who was (in her words) obese but in the process of trying to lose, telling me about how, at the end of an aerobics class, a fellow gym-goer approached her and said, in a syrupy-sweet voice, “I just want you to know that seeing you here motivates me - you should be really proud of yourself.” Gag.
I am really riled up over this baby incident - especially because, what happens if R’s little angel grows up over the next year and still has her chubby cheeks and some idiots decide to make a comment or three and now she’s old enough to take it in? R and I are trying to figure out a really good comeback…I suggested something that will make the offender feel dumb, but give them a chance to reflect on what they’ve said and possibly redeem themselves. Something like, “I’m sorry - I think I misheard you. It sounded like you said my baby needs to go on a diet and I know that can’t possibly be right. Can you repeat yourself?”
Any other suggestions? We need to nip this in the bud.
photo credit: mrwilleeumm
Written on Friday, June 6th, 2008 at 1:23 am
Filed under about me.
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June 6th, 2008 at 5:57 am
PEOPLE KILL ME.
and I do not have a good response for you as, in the different but same vein, I oft get criticized by other moms when I bring my Toddler to the park with a treat.
We eat pretty well but I do (30 lashes with a wet protein pasta noodle, I know) get her McD’s frenchfries sometimes.
Youd be shocked how many people approach me and lecture me with regards to how I SHOULD NOT FEED HER THAT blah blah blah.
I just smile sweetly and say “thanks so much. If I ever need advice Ill definitely ask”
M.
MizFit’s last blog post..Link Love and a Friday FREEBIE!
June 6th, 2008 at 9:02 am
Amen.
IzzyBeth’s last blog post..Another Milestone Reached
June 6th, 2008 at 9:13 am
F**KING F**KERS!
can’t think of a good come back yet…but I’m working on it. be back soon!
Fitarella’s last blog post..Judy Blume couldn’t make this up
June 6th, 2008 at 9:20 am
I think my son (also a 99th percentile baby) had the best comeback. We were in a store and an old man looked at him (he was about 2) and said loudly, “You have the biggest head I’ve ever seen!” And my son replied with a glare and the loudest “PTTHHHBBBBBBB!” you’ve ever heard. Guy was covered in spit. Awesome.
PS> MizFit - I am the nutrition nazi and I will let my kids have McD’s on occassion too. Although here in MN you’d get lectures the opposite way - McD’s is good patriotic eats here and how dare you turn them down!
charlotte’s last blog post..Poo Sniffing
June 6th, 2008 at 9:33 am
This is rough. I had big babies and LOVED it. They never had a problem eating or sleeping, rarely if ever got sick, and were just sturdier babies. Now they are long and lean a just as active as they were as babies.
If it were me, I would say, “Well, we try. She just won’t drink Slim-Fast and getting a 5-month old to swallow those diet pills is a real bitch.”
But I also like sarcasm
Hannah’s last blog post..Today
June 6th, 2008 at 9:51 am
Well, there will always be idiots in the world…
the Bag Lady’s comeback to the grandpa telling the woman to put her 5-month old on a diet could have been something like “Probably, but my breasts get so engorged when I refuse to let her feed…..”
The Bag Lady’s last blog post..Friday Round-up
June 6th, 2008 at 10:33 am
How about:
“We’re in the process of teaching her to be bulemic, but it’s just not taking for some reason.”
Or maybe:
“Wow, what a miserable c-nt you are! Thanks!”
The first one has to be said dead serious with a hint of disappointment and the second has to be said with a smith and be so sugary sweet it hurts your teeth.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:35 am
Has to be said with a “Smile”, not with a “smith”. I’m not even sure what that would involve.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:54 am
I think the only people that can tell anyone they need to gain or lose weight are doctors because it is normally for the person’s health sake. I remember the first time I joined a gym, the trainer told me that I needed to weigh between 100-105 lbs to be healthy. I’m pretty sure I would have to cut off my entire top half to ever make that happen. I joined that gym but avoided the trainer.
Playful Professional’s last blog post..Three Words: Success, Success, Success
June 6th, 2008 at 11:40 am
People can be such idiots and so cruel. And Charlotte, your son is awesome!
Sagan’s last blog post..Learning Healthy Lessons
June 6th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
I cannot believe anyone would call a baby fat. They are supposed to be chubby!
I personally also err on the side of a really sharp sarcastic come back and I like the ones above.
How about “Oh you know, with the price of produce as it is, it’s much easier on our budget to feed her corn dogs and chips!”
June 6th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Ugh.. my response might get you jail time so I’ll refrain from making it..
In the words of Jill Scott.. Hate on Me Haters!
BK’s last blog post..They Done Messed Up the Church’s Money!
June 6th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
A big, juicy, saliva-filled raspberry works, just like Charlotte’s son (that is AWESOME!!!).
People are SO unbelievable! I don’t yet have a witty comeback, ’cause I’m just too mad right now.
(It reminds me of when my kids were babies and they would cry, and other parents would come up to me and say, in a snarky, superior tone, “I NEVER let my kids cry!” And I’d say “That’s too bad. they’re gonna grow up not knowing how to express themselves appropriately” and walk away.)
June 6th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
What!? WHAT!? I…. just… WHAT!???!!!!!
How about ‘Are you insane?’ … *
‘She’s not fat. You’re just standing too close.’
‘Oh, she’s on atkins. She only eats other babies.’
‘That’s impossible. I just got skim breast-milk installed.’
‘S/he’s not a baby. s/he’s six. We don’t let him/her eat *anything*, so s/he’ll stay the same weight until s/he hits college. SEXY!!!’
‘I *know*! She sometimes spits up after meals, though. Fingers crossed it’ll develop into the *fun* kind of Bulemia…
*to be followed by ‘Like, Can I get a doctor? Is there anything I should do when you get like this? Pills or something? I’m sorry. Are you actually ill or disabled? In the brain? Oh, my apologies… No? Really? I just thought that no-one in their right mind would… I mean… seriously. Are you sure you’re alright? Maybe you should get checked up or something. Some people have perception problems. You know. WIth things that are appropriate to say and things that are… well. A bit off the wall. I have an aunt, you know….’
June 6th, 2008 at 5:53 pm
easier to get her stomach stapled. We’ve booked her in next week. Babies bounce back SO fast.
June 6th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
Our one year-old, Brady, is such a picky eater. At times, we have a little difficulty getting him to eat. He is in the bottom 25% right now, but is healthy as a horse, since we give him several supplements.
I’ve always heard to answer a question or objection with a question. So come up with a good, simple response. Something like, “Why?” or “Why do you say that?”
Then, no matter what thy say, again ask, “Why?” or “Why do you say that?”
Another one I like to use is, “No, but thanks for playin’.”
Paul Eilers’s last blog post..There’s a Party in My Tummy! Yeah!
June 8th, 2008 at 1:07 am
Now, that’s a beautiful baby! People can be so rude sometimes. My son, Dylan, was 10 pounds 4-1/2 ounces at birth and was always in the 99 percentile. He is now a lean 6′2 fifteen year old with 225 pounds of solid muscle. I don’t have a comeback for you but my advice is to ignore them. They don’t know what they’re talking about. Babies need fat. I sure wish my 14 month old had more fat on him! He’s a picky eater and doesn’t have much of an appetite. His attitude is, “Food, schmood. I’d rather be playing.”
Laura Eilers’s last blog post..4 Foods You Should Eat To Stay Slim
June 9th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
It’s amazing how rude people are sometimes. And then, they get all huffy puffy when you tell them to “take their advice and shove it.” I do not have any kids yet, but I get annoyed when people make comments about my nephews.
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June 9th, 2008 at 11:58 pm
I like ‘Oh, she’s on atkins. She only eats other babies.’
June 16th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
I would’ve just said shut up you OLD MAN…and then mumbled “asshole” while he was walking away. I find it useless to try to get any person to “reflect” making them feel bad or MAD is the way to go. Who care what he reflects on about the baby as long as he reflects on his own STUPIDITY. I get comments about my baby they’re like she’s So HEALTHY, hear the emphasis??? I’m just like yea thanks lady, at least I’m not starving my child from the looks of yours!
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